Are the Garter and Bouquet Toss Passe? {advice for brides}

Oh, the garter and bouquet toss. Wheeeee! It usually all starts with the DJ getting the crowd into a frenzy while the groom slowly removes the garter from underneath the bride’s dress. I have seen some hilarious moments, some raunchy ones, and some downright awkward ones. And then, when the groom goes to throw the garter, sometimes he aims for a certain gentleman, sometimes a thirteen year old boy nabs the toss. Yikes. Then comes the bouquet. The bride maybe has her eye on a certain eligible bachelorette, and sometimes the 8 year old flower girl fights her way to the finish or cries if she doesn’t. Yes, this has happened.

Way back when I started photographing weddings, all couples did a bouquet / garter toss. And back then, most of the couples I worked with were much younger – in their early twenties – and had a plethora of unmarried guys and gals excitedly (or sometimes reluctantly) poised to be the next to be married. But times are a-changin. And many couples are waiting until they are older to get married, or perhaps are on their second marriages, maybe have children of their own. I have seen a trend whereby couples would rather not do the bouquet garter thing because they don’t have as many single friends, or it’s just not important to them in the way of traditions. Also, couples are becoming much more thoughtful and mindful about what their wedding day looks like, and what experience they provide for their guests and what memories they make for themselves.

There’s no wrong or right way to do it. My advice is always to do what feels right for you. If you love the idea of the traditions of the bouquet and garter toss, then do it! But here are some tips for making it work well:

let the DJ get the crowd pumped and choose some great music to play during the tosses
consider being specific about the age range of those allowed to participate. I have seem some hurt feelings among flower girls who participate but don’t catch the bouquet. And, if you are going to do the whole guy who catches the garter puts it on the gal who catches the bouquet” thing, then it’s best that the catchers are of-age for this sometimes sexy moment.
when you’re ready to toss, do a “fake throw” where the crowd thinks you are going to throw, but you don’t. It makes for some really fun photos.

If you choose to not do the bouquet / garter toss, I suggest looking up some sweet alternatives. I have seen the bouquet handed off to the oldest married couple in the room, gifted to the mom or grandmother in the room, or dedicated to the memory of someone who is not there, or has passed away.